Caving In

 

Drowning

You can only keep it together for so long. Finally, you come to a point where you just break. You feel the depression settling into your bones, and I mean you can physically feel it and it’s killing you slowly. All of the things that you hide begin to surface and those around you begin to notice, and now you can no longer keep your head up above the waters. You’re drowning in a sea of darkness. A sea that you’ve tried to pull yourself out of so many times already, and now you’re caving in…you’ve finally given up.


My pastor once said “the further you drift from God the harder it is to reach Him again”. And it isn’t because He left you, it’s because you left him and allowed the things of this world to shape and mold your heart.  People who have been in the church for quite some time have this expectancy that if you just give it all to God, if you just pray, things will get better. What they don’t understand is that it isn’t that easy, for some they just can’t cry out for help or spill out every single thing they’ve been struggling with. No. It takes time.

Today, I want to discuss a little bit about depression. Depression has become a drug, an addiction for some. To the point where happiness becomes a mask and loneliness becomes more of a comfort. Some of us have dealt with depression at a very young age, and we’ve grown and learned to mask some of our emotions so that others don’t notice. We become accustomed to the person we create for ourselves, this new identity fits us in a way, it feels like a safe haven for us. I believe this is what cripples us, when we hide what we feel for so long it eats away at us but we insist on suppressing it. We continue to live a life where we live as a person who is happy and loveable, but behind closed curtains we are someone completely different. It’s easy to hide from the world and those around you when you’re feeling some type of way. Overtime you begin to lose interest in a lot of things that you used to enjoy, things that used to bring you happiness and love. So what happened? 

The following information I’m about to share comes from the Mayo Clinic.

The persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of behavioral and physical symptoms. These may include changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, daily behavior, or self-esteem. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

Depression can come in many forms, sometimes it stays sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it only goes away for a little bit. We tend to make depression our friend, a friend whom we dislike but we just don’t know how to get rid of them. They’re the type of friend whom we’ve kicked out numerous of times and yet they somehow find their way back to us.

There are even some who have tried to reach out for help, but it’s frustrating when the other person doesn’t fully understand you or even where you’re coming from. My mother used to say to me when I would discuss my feelings with her “but you have God to turn to”. I know that, I know that 100%. It’s not that I don’t believe that God doesn’t hear me out when I pray or even cry, but it’s nice to actually tell someone whom you can physically see and know fully well that they understand you. There are moments where you just want to burst and tell someone what is actually going on in that head of yours, but we are quick to act on what they may think of us afterwards, or if they’ll even understand. It’s hard and it’s a struggle to reach out and talk with someone about what’s going on, it’s even harder to ask for help. When we feel stuck, when we don’t know what else to do, we shut down and become silent.

I can’t say that it gets easier, the way things are now and days makes our young people easy targets. This is how I see it, it’s becoming even more difficult to live in a world that is quickly deteriorating into nothing. People are wondering why suicide rates have gone up and why they keep increasing. What does it mean to actually listen to someone? What does it mean to help someone who is struggling? If you’re reading this, then know you have a purpose on this earth. You’re going to go through some stuff, you’re gonna wanna give up, and you’re gonna wanna walk away all because it’s too difficult for you to handle.

I want to end with this. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not worthless. You’re different from the rest which makes you stand out. Stop allowing the devil to cover your mouth, eyes, and ears. Continue to live life, continue to pray, and don’t let yourself or anyone else get in the way of your growth. This isn’t anyone else’s life, this is your life. Not everybody will understand, but you can be damn sure that this generation need more people like you. They need to feel that they’re not alone, and that by giving up doesn’t accomplish anything. Our young people want to feel understood and accepted despite their circumstances or whatever is they’re going through. So…

CONTINUE TO LIVE.

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The Promise

A promise that God would never flood the earth again. His promise remains true. 

Snapped a pic of this right after it had rained. It was a double rainbow, and it was the brightest rainbow I had ever seen. In person it looked much more awesome, this picture just doesn’t do any justice of what I actually saw. 

Hope everyone had a fantastic Tuesday! 👍🏼