Are you okay?
The top two questions are questions that I do not like. Questions that make me lie even though I am unaware that I am lying. The way you’d respond to the top two questions is pretty common. “Yes I’m fine, nothing is wrong” and we say this with a smirk or even a wide smile, in hopes that the person will believe us and leave us alone with our thoughts. I’ve learned to smile at social events, birthday parties, weddings, get together’s, and etc…I wear a smile in hopes of no one noticing the weariness on my face, and my tone, I up the tone in my voice to make me sound somewhat happy and cheery. Again, the last thing I want is for someone to ask me those two questions “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”.
There are days where I intentionally leave my phone in my purse, I see and converse with people on a daily basis at my workplace that my phone becomes a nuisance to me. I’m so tired, I’m tired of telling people to hold on while I’m barely hanging on myself. So what keeps me going? My 3-year-old niece, she holds an innocence that I miss dearly. I want her to grow with Jesus and to stay close to Him as much as possible. She is hope in my eyes, and the way she can make friends even when some reject her…she looks the other way and continues to play. She’s at an age where the things of this world doesn’t phase her, she doesn’t let anything bother her. There’s so much in store for her, and I want to be there for her every step of the way. I want to be a better person for her, and for those around me that love me and care for me.
I maybe tired physically, emotionally, and I maybe tired of being asked those two questions “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”. But I want to hold on for as long as I possibly can, I don’t want these demons that I wrestle with to win this battle. I hope and pray for the day that I can snap out of this deep depression that I am in, that I can live a life without having to worry about every little thing. I believe that I have a lot in store for myself as well, and I know God has plans for me that are beyond anything that I can ever imagine. I know He’s waiting for me to crawl out of my own pity party, and begin a life that is fully dedicated to Him and not myself. I must decrease so that He can increase. If I really want to see change within myself and with those around me, then I have to be the first one to move. I have to be honest when those two questions are asked “Are you okay? What’s wrong?“.
I have to be honest…I must be honest.