Recently I started to make a couple of small changes in my life, changes that would help me somewhat get back on track if I stay dedicated. I feel this time around it’ll be different, I have this confidence knowing that I’ll get out of this rut that I’m in. Days/weeks go by and then what you know, self-doubt begins to roll in. Reminding me of why I failed in the first place, why I couldn’t reconcile my relationship with God, and why I could never change no matter how hard I tried. Soon after a feeling of hopelessness begins to settle within, feelings of frustration, anger, unworthiness, and even tiredness. You’ve tried repeatedly to climb over this mountain, but you never seem to make it over.
It’s easy to fall into self-doubt mode, especially when you’ve already tried to pick yourself up multiple times only to fall back down again. It’s easy to call it quits because somehow you find it easier to remain in the same spot that you’ve tried to get up from. Here’s the problem, when we feel fear in the back of our minds, we are already predicting failure for ourselves. Have you ever heard the saying “third times the charm!” well who ever said that is a liar (because for me it’s more like 100th time is the charm…I think). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “tomorrow I’ll do that” or “next week I’ll begin this” only to not do any of those things you said you were going to do. I know this because I’m currently struggling with some things that I said that I would do only to keep putting it off one week after another.
As much and as quick I want to change my life around, first I must take baby steps. I must realize that I won’t change overnight or that I’ll have my life figured out by tomorrow. I must accept and embrace where I’m at in life right now and go from there. I have goals, I have dreams, and I have expectations for myself in this life. For so long I’ve allowed fear to hold me back from so many things, I’ve allowed failure to shape and mold me instead of allowing God to do just that. Maybe it’s not a matter of figuring out “What now?” or “Where do I start?” but to start with prayer and run with it, see what happens as you focus on the one who will help you get to where you need to be. What I can assume is that fear will always be in the back of my mind, I just need not to pay it any attention as I try and begin this new journey. Another thing I must embrace is that this may not be easy, I may struggle here and there along the way. Who knows I may lose focus again, but if I am aware of myself and how I think, I believe I can pray my way through and rely on God when I am troubled.
So, if you find yourself struggling to get yourself together including your life. Then know this, you’re not alone. If you’re struggling with self-doubt, anger, fear, anxiety, and so forth then know that there are many others out there experiencing the same thing. The only difference is that everyone is facing different circumstances, but who maybe experiencing the same emotions as you are. It’s like that one statement that people use every now and then, and that’s “The struggle is real”. Indeed, it is.