The piece I’ve written below is not really categorized into anything, I thought maybe poetry but it’s seems a bit far-fetched from that. As of right now it’s just a piece I’ve written, something that came about as I was having a rough day at work. Despite the stress that I feel from work, life outside of work isn’t always that better. So I hope you enjoy this small written piece, and it does have a title which you can tell from the title of this post. Alright, here you go.
I am trying, I’m really trying but you see the waves keep pulling me back under. I’m so tired, I’m tired of being disappointed, I’m tired of my own excuses, I’m tired of trying to please others when really all I want to do is scream and cry. My bones are weary from fighting the current, today I finally stopped fighting to stay afloat and began to feel myself slowly sink. Feeling the water cover me as I slowly descend even deeper, feeling the cold turn my body numb. All I can think of is how did I get this lost? How did I stray so far from shore? Why didn’t anyone warn me of what would happen if I strayed too far? Maybe someone did warn me, and I was just too ignorant to listen to them. Too focused on what I wanted rather than what I needed. Here I am drowning slowly with no one to blame but myself, and please understand that I’m not looking for any sympathy. I got myself here, and I failed to get myself out. I didn’t trust God to lead me, I didn’t pray to Him as much as I should have. I used to fear of what lurked in the depths of the ocean, and now I fear of what lurks within the depths of my own soul. If I would’ve just relied on God, if I would’ve just trusted in Him more, then He would’ve kept my head from going under. He would’ve led me back to safety, He would’ve led me back to shore. It’s my fault for not asking help, it’s my fault that I am the way that I am.
You see, it’s so easy to get lost out here. It’s easy to throw in the towel and call it quits, it’s easy to throw your hands up in the air and tell God that you’re done. That you’re done with life, that you’re done fighting.
At this point I see my life flash before my eyes, reminding me of all the good times, of all those who love me. If I left I know I wouldn’t be doing anyone any good, I’d just be hurting them even more. I can’t feel anything, I can’t even think straight. I have nothing left to hold onto, I have nothing. Beneath the depths are just walls, a reminder that not everyone will understand. A reminder that there are no exact words to describe of how one feels, or pinpoint as to what is wrong. Here I lay, Beneath the Depths.
I believe I wrote this piece in awareness to depression/suicide. Just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. People can live a good life and still turn to suicide for whatever reason, they may not have the words or the strength to get help. Some become hopeless and exhausted from trying to crawl out of that dark place, only to find themselves back in the same spot. Suicide isn’t the answer, but someone who maybe struggling may not see it that way. A person who is depressed/suicidal may not understand that they can get help, unlike a person who isn’t depressed/suicidal may not understand of what that person is going through (hope that makes sense). Frustration can come from trying to explain, and trying to understand such a thing. The piece I wrote isn’t meant to be encouraging or discouraging, but possibly to relate to someone who isn’t having a hard time finding the words to say. It’s never easy to just tell someone what is wrong, because in the back of our minds we know they aren’t going to understand. So we make it our mission to find the right words to say, when really there are no “right” words.
All in all I hope those who read the piece can share it with someone who you may know is struggling with some type of depression, or life in general. Again, my little piece isn’t really in a set category. It can be taken/read in any way.