The quote that I have inserted above couldn’t be anymore true for me. I most certainly have never dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul. In Jeremiah 17:7 says…
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
That’s the question…who can know it? God leaves a void within us for himself to fill, and yet here we are filling it up with things that we don’t even need. We decide that what we are doing is best, and that it’s the right thing to do. When the whole entire time God is shaking his head “no”, but we respond with our very own ignorance.
Most people don’t like hearing the truth, and for most (like myself) become defensive when someone talks about the very thing I am struggling with. We see the truth as criticism, when really we just don’t like hearing people that are right. We are difficult human beings, and that’s where the heart is hardened. Also, I looked up the definition for “Defensive” and this is what I came up with (which explains a lot)…
Very anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.
I don’t know about you, but I tend to avoid people who I know have the tendency to speak the truth. Mainly because I don’t want to hear it, even when I am already aware of what I need to change in order to fix whatever the problem may be. In other words, “I get it!”. When I was a teenager my mom used to ask me all the time whenever she “assumed” something was wrong with me “are you ok? tell me what’s wrong”. All the while I’m telling her “i’m ok mom, really” which was never the case. I was never the one to tell someone my problems right away, or that there was something wrong. That was just never me, and till this day I’m currently working on expressing my feelings to my other half (bf). He’s always letting me know that I can tell him anything, and that I should never be afraid to say what is on my heart. My problem is not being able to tell him, but rather than how it’s going to come out once I start speaking of the matter.
I’ve become difficult, and I Know this because I can’t even deal with myself sometimes. We all struggle, and we all fall short. Most of us would rather ignore the truth that we know is…….well true. It’s not always a good thing to follow your heart, and that maybe you should listen to someone who may be just giving you “advice”. No need to put up your shield right away. If you’re anything like me, I tend to get defensive right away but eventually wind down and realize how foolish I’d been. Sometimes God puts people in your life to help you realize what exactly the problem maybe, and that what you’re doing maybe the result in why you feel the way you do. They aren’t there to necessarily judge you, but to help bring to light what you’re afraid to see.
It’s hard to look in the mirror and face the person you’ve become, and it can be good or bad. If you don’t like what you see, then you have the power to change yourself. Don’t think that where you are is where you’re meant to be, or that you’re stuck there for life. There are going to be things in your life that you’re not going to want to deal with, and one of them is yourself. It’s ok to be yourself, but it’s also ok to realize that there are some things you may need to change about yourself. For instance, for me it would have to be the way I react to certain situations. Instead of becoming irritated or angry right away, I am trying to hear the person out first before jumping all over them. I tend to think the worst of things, and now I’m trying to see some positivity each time I am faced with difficult situations. I argue with myself on a daily basis, and it can be pretty much about anything. We all have secrets that we carry with us, and most of those secrets have made us the person we are today which can be a difficult thing to face. Eventually we will have to look at ourselves and ask the question “Is this who you want to be?”.
Are you where you want to be? Is this what you want to live with for the rest of your life?