He’s After My Heart

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“I am guilty, ashamed of what I’ve done, what I’ve become. These hands are dirty, I dare not lift them up to the holy one.”

There is no one to blame for the way I’ve been choosing to live my life. I know what I am doing isn’t right, and I’ve acknowledged that my church attendance has gone down. My prayer life only exists on Sunday mornings, which is where I fail not only myself but also to the one who deserves much better from me. I’ve embraced the world more than I’ve embraced God, and I know this by the way I’ve been feeling and living lately. I feel so far yet I’m so close.

For the past two months I have been struggling on what to blog about, which explains for my long absence of not blogging. If I blog about something, I don’t want to make it sound like I am complaining, or how bad my life has been. My goal is to inspire, encourage, and hope you (the audience) can relate in some way. So then you know you are not alone, and that whatever I am going through will somehow help you in some sort of way. I want to be able to give you something good, not something that will sound repetitive.

I believe where I’m at is where God wants me to be. He will get my attention one way or another. God places us in certain situations to try and grab out attention, and sometimes it isn’t always pleasant. Not saying God harms us in the process of trying to get our attention, but He sure knows what He’s doing. I have to be honest here, I’m not perfect. I make mistakes on a daily basis, I think of things I’m not supposed to think of, and I lust after the things of this world. Now I’m not using any excuses here for the way I’ve been living, but I want you to know that we all have been touched by the temptations of this world and we’ve all fallen short at some point in our lives. I am who I am, but I refuse to let my wrong doings/decisions define me. You and I are worthy in His eyes, regardless of what others say about you, or how they perceive you. There has to be a point in your life where you realize you’re worth so much more than all of the thing’s you’ve done wrong.

Romans 8:6-8 says…

For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

If we remain where we’re at, then we will never be able to please God. Yet He remains faithful to us, embracing us, holding us tight, and leaves us with a promise that He will never forsake us. I find it a bit contradicting for me to type all of this, mainly because I myself have a lot to work on.

You are right where God wants you to be, and remember that no matter how far you may feel…God has been standing in front of you the whole entire time. Holding your heart, waiting for you to turn around to face Him again. He’s right there. Literally right there. We may struggle, we may fail, but the outcome will be us giving Him praise.

Have a blessed night everyone!


If you have any questions, comments, or you just need someone to talk to. Feel free to email me at mariajohn224@gmail.com.

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